So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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