just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
