This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
