2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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