big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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