we have pet lesbian snakes
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
