my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just gift wrapped bread.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
