Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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