C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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