my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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