I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
