I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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