never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dignity is for republicans.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
