she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
