If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
