My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
