Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
