also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
