haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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