I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
