moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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