How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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