I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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