I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
