True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
