We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
