I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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