my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
