What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
