Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
