I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
