I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
