I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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