I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
