u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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