Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
