You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
