i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I could fuck to npr.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
