Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
God gave him joint rollers for hands
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
