I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
