He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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