i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm lost and stupid without you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
