i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
