omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
