Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
