Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
