Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
