Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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