I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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