remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
