3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
