We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
