Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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